The New Year is now upon us and what will it bring…….

Well the new year is upon us now and I can’t tell you how glad I am. To say that 2011 was a bad year would be the understatement of the century!! So, fingers crossed, this year will be much better! Though I’ve probably just cursed myself saying that lol!!

Now, when it comes to new years resolutions, I’ve thought long and hard about this subject. I didn’t want to make one, that I knew, deep down, I would never actually keep. So, my resolution is to become a person that I actually like and want to be. How do I do this though??? I need to become a strong person, to know and understand myself. To be able to have the confidence in my own decisions and not let people make me feel bad for wanting to do what I want to. Its my life and no one else can run it for me and no one else has the right to make me feel bad for being happy. I will also be a lot more aware of people and their intentions. Whether it be friends or boyfriends, a lot of people are out there to hurt you and use you. Those are the sort of people I will be watching out for a lot more carefully, cause I refuse to let myself be used ever again by anyone. The main point I need to stick to though is to stay positive. If I continue to concentrate on the negativity around me, then I will be bogged down and continue the way I am now.Yes I will have days that things will still get to me, but I need to find the positive of the situation and if there is none, to just move on. If something’s not going right, I need to take a step back and reassess, pick myself up, dust of and try again! My aim is to grow as a person and without all of the above, none of this will happen.

So here’s to the New Year, I hope it brings you all you hope for, for a healthy, happy and prosperous new year to you all xx

The Worlds Greatest!!

Dear Grandad Sid,

Even after this time has passed, I still think of you everyday. Weird huh 😉 but there always seems to be something that reminds me of you, whether its seeing a Mike Reid or Morcombe and Wise sketch, or hearing Frankie Boy singing it His Way, or even just walking past your photograph in the front room. Every night I say Good Night to you, and hope you hear me.

I never realised what it would be like to loose someone who was so prominent in my life, i suppose I took it for granted you would always be here, but now you’re gone, and it still doesn’t seem to have sunk in properly!

We are doing our best to look after Nanny, although she is still to come see my flat! lol i’ll def make sure she does though, cause I don’t want her missing out on anything either!

The one thing that makes me really sad, is the fact that you won’t get to see me walking down the aisle when I get married, in person I mean, as I know you are always looking down on me, looking after me. I think you and Ritch would of got on brilliantly though, you would def approve of him……I hope!!!

Whenever we saw each other, you always said I must of been born under a lucky star…..hmmmmm i’m doubting that at the moment, but now you’re up above, I know I have my lucky star now, you!

I will always regret though, not coming to see you more often whilst you were ill, and I am so sorry for that. I hope you forgive me, if i could change it i would. We still had loads of good times though, which I will never forget. Going through all the old photo albums with you, christmas’ at Western Avenue, you and Uncle Stevie coming over with sweets on Thu evenings 😀 I could proberly go on and on. This is because you were the perfect grandad! The World’s Greatest Grandad!!!

I will never forget you and you will be in my heart and my thoughts every single day, until the time we are reunited. Keep singing up there and looking after Steven Michael.

Love you always and forever,

Your Princess

Sarah-emily

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Food Glorious Food!!

I will warn people before you start reading this, that if you’re on a diet, you may want to give this post a miss. It may contain diet crushing material!! Don’t say I didn’t warn you…………

Large quatre pounder with cheese, Big Mac, Double Cheeseburgers, Fries, Milkshakes!!!!! OMG I’m drooling just thinking about it. I have not had a Maccy Ds in months!!! but 2days the day, and it’s all I can think of!!!!!

The thing is, I have a love/hate relationship with food. I either LOVE it or i Despise it!!! and my diet is prob not the healthiest, I only eat once a day! Alot of people will say may be I have an eating disorder? that I’m taking a diet to an extreme? The fact is, if you have adhesions, you never wanna eat!!!!!

I forgot to say if your squeamish, look away now………

For the last 6 years I have had medical problems, now discovered to be adhesions. My bowel, bladder, intestines plus my reproductive organs have been stuck together with no room to move freely. Uncomfortable? You have no idea. When it comes to eating its horrible. You can be so hungry, so you eat till your full, and then boy do you pay for it! The sickness, bloating, pain….all from just eating! I have been on anti sickness pills, indigestion pills, painkillers…..but after a while you really get put off eating. So the only time I do is when I am starving and whatever I eat has to be something I really want, I can’t eat any old thing that’s in the fridge. My fav at the mo, is a NY deli sandwich: pastrami, cheese, tomatoes, lettuce, gherkins, mustard and mayo. mmmmmmmm must go shopping later 😉

Because of all this I have lost weight, loosing the most recently. I was 11st, now I am 9st. To me though, I haven’t really noticed. What annoys me though, is people moaning at me to eat. Blimey, someone’s even asked my mum if I am anorexic! I think, that being thin, can sometimes be as bad as being fat. People moan at fat people….and I understand why they get upset now. Sometimes things are out of our control, and we just have to live with it. I know one day I’ll be eating fine, like everyone else. Until then though, I would love for people to let me get on with how I live, even if they disagree. Let me eat MY meal a day……….

Goodbye My Lover………..

To My Dear Sterling Superkings,

It is now time I think we parted. We have been through many things, happy times, bad times…..but deep down I know you are no good for me. I have wasted years of my life with you. You have, and will continue to, waste years of my life and waste my money, plus the fact that you stink and whenever we’re together you make me smell too!! We are so much better apart, and I hope others stay away from you too. You are not only bad for me, but for everyone you meet! Please please do not ever come back to me, as I am done this time!! Thank you for the times you were there, helping through trying times but I feel I am now a strong enough person to go it alone! I won’t forget you, even though I will do my best too!!

Sarah-em xx

The Daily Post 2011!!

Seeing that WordPress are starting the Daily / Weekly post 2011, I have decided to give it a go, and post my blog everyday throughout 2011!!

Ok, so it may not be the easiest of things, I may not be able to think of that many things to write about???? But I’ll def be giving it a go!!

I’d really like people to follow it though, and give me their feedback, so please please please subscribe and leave me your comments!!

Anyone who fancies taking the challenge too can get more info from: dailypost.wordpress.com

Sarah-Emily

xx

Just whistle while you work………

We took the decorations and Christmas tree down yesterday 😦 my front room looks bare now!!!!! Didn’t realise how much cleaning there was involved though, to get the place looking relatively normal!!!!! Looks like we’ve been burgeled now though, def need to start getting some more bits for the flat!!!

So, now I’m sitting on my nice clean sofa, looking at my nice clean carpet, watching the tv through a nice clean screen, and I’m itching to do more!!!! What’s wrong with me????????? Have decided that if I’m going to be stuck in again, then I need things to do, instead of watching the same tv shows over and over and sleeping!!!! So I’m now on the look out for a cheap, second hand sewing machine, so I can start my quilting! I’ve been trying to do it by hand but it’s taking forever!!!!!! Plus I’m gonna carry on with my knitting (sure I’m 26 going on 86!!) Atleast it keeps me busy though!!

Now I’ve stopped smoking as well as trying to get off these painkillers, I need something to keep me occupied, so if I start posting blogs every hour, you know why 😉

And if all else fails…….I’ll have the cleanliest, sparkliest flat in the whole of Portsmouth. Just need to find a new tune to whistle………………….

Whistle While You Work

Happy New Year………’happy’ being the operative word!!

The New Year is finally here………and who knows what it will have in store for me???? In the few hours so far there has been laughter, arguments, sadness, embarrassment and guilt……not bad for under 4 hours 😉 Is this a sign of what’s to come????? We shall definitely see!!!!!!!!!

To be honest I don’t want much this year. I normally make massive lists of resolutions that I will never keep in a million years, but one that I have never put on the list and is probably the only thing that will be on the list this year, is to be happy!!!! I have never put down as a resolution that I want to be happy. I suppose it goes without saying really, but I have had the worst few years that I have begun to be a very unhappy person. On the inside. So maybe Cher and Dionne in Clueless were right????? 😛 Instead of making over the outside, we should be making over our insides!! Every resolution made is normally quite a superficial one, but this one I am really going to work at!

We all say we wanna be happy, but does anyone really no what would make them truly happy (and I’m not talking about millions of pounds and fast cars), I mean what would REALLY make us happy??????? A lot of thing are easier said than done, that’s a granted, but let’s see how many people can make themselves happy this year. My bet????? There won’t be a lot………..

So Happy New Year to everyone and I hope it holds lots of treasures in store for you all xxx

Start as you mean to go on……….

Ok, so it may be slightly to early to discuss my New Years resolutions but what the hell 😛

The thing this year is they are all beneficial resolutions so if i don’t achieve them not only will I have let myself down, but it will be affecting my health.

So the main thing I need to do is get off the Tramadol!!!!!! I have tried half heartedly so many times, this time I need to bite the bullet and do it. So i’ll write out a weaning off program so I can keep track of it all. Seriously though, I want to get off it!!!!! As well as that I need to give up smoking. I know in my heart that there are no benefits to smoking what so ever…..so why do i do it?????? The money I save could buy new shoes, a holiday, go towards out IVF, all sorts and all GOOD things!!!!!!

Workwise, I will be working with my dad in the new year so really wanna give it a go and help him make the business a success, as well as doing some fundraising and campaigning over the IVF issues. Again things that are all worth while.

All i need is a kick up the backside, and hopefully, i can get my life back!!!