Telling It The Way I See It

A few of you may know that I have started my first book. It’s all a bit scary to be honest!

I thought I would use my blog to give people a sneak preview, and get some feedback so far. It’s a fictional story, untitled as yet, about a young girl, her life and her ties to a house…..prob not the best explanation, but please read my preview and give me your honest opinion…..even if you think it absolutely sucks!!!!

So, here it is……..

With the sun blazing down on her skin, the breeze blowing 
through her hair ad the sound of silence ringing in her ears, 
Claudia was in heaven. The smell of cut grass, making her sneeze, 
couldn't even put her off. She was in paradise! Claudia didn't need 
fancy holidays. Not all the time she had her Grandmother Rose. 
 Granny Rose had been in the house long before Claudia was born, even 
before her father was born. The house was a modest bungalow, set just
outside of town. It was nothing special to anyone walking past but as 
soon as Claudia walked up the driveway, she instantley felt safe. This 
was her haven. The same smell that hit her when she walked through the 
front door, a strange mixture of flowers and TCP, was oddly comforting.
The garden, once a beautiful array of flowers and plants was now over 
grown and jungle looking, was still a sanctuary through the eyes of the 
25 year old. As a grown woman now, this building still had the ability 
to return her to her childhood, back to the days when she was happy, 
back to a time when everything was right. Not like now, where it was 
all so mixed up. 
 Claudia knew, the day they lost that house, would be 
the day she lost everything. Surely that would never happen though...would it???...... 

{August 11, 2011}   Living the Dream!!

It seems to me, that nowadays, more and more people are starting their own business’.  Good on ’em, I say!!

With so few jobs at the moment, and the people that do have them, all seem to be moaning, what’s to stop you from living your dream??

I shared a business before with an ex partner, and I can safely say (apart from the ex 😉 ) it has to be the best job I ever had!! We ran a gym together, and the atmosphere was brilliant! I really did try my best with it, and it’s prob the only thing I do miss about that time in my life lol (well theres prob a few other bits, im not that nasty!) Because the only way to make money was through ourselves, it made me more determined to work, not to slack off.

Unfortunately, for me, that dream failed (although from stories I’ve heard, the gyms not exactly doing great either lol). So, what would be my dream now then?? To write. Write blogs, write articles, write interviews, write books……write anything!!!

I have started my first book. Slowly but surely it’s coming along, I just hope that when it is finally finished, people will like it! In the mean time, I’ll be doing anything I can to work on getting a good portfolio together (so if anyone needs a review or interview or anything, let me no hehe). As well as making my baby blankets to make a small bit of money just to tide myself over (again if anyone wants a blanket made, let me no).

So, good luck to everyone who has decided to go it alone. You def having my best wishes that it all works out! It may seem tough at times, but if you really believe in it, keep going and don’t let anyone or anything get in your way. After all, it’s your life and you should be able to live your dream! Just remember,  It’s a tough job…..but someone’s gotta do it 😉


Ok, so I thought I wouldn’t get involved with talking about all these riots and looting happening around the country, but to be honest, there comes a point where you think, what the hell is this country coming to!?!?!

There are so many words to use for what is happening; vile, disgusting, sad, childish…………I could go on!

So, I’ll admit, I’m not 100% sure why it’s even going on, but then the do the people who are doing it even know why they are? It was supposedly started because the police shoot someone??? (from what I can gather). But how the hell does that mean everyone should go crazy?? Is it meant to be a stand against the police??? I’ll admit, the police have definitely lost some of the authority that they should have, but more than anything, I think it goes to show the mentality of people in this country nowadays! Chances are, the police are so scared of doing anything, for fear of being ‘politically incorrect’ and being reprimanded for it!

The whole country has gone mad!!

Everyone has been saying the army should be brought in, and maybe they should, but that will just show how much the police can’t cope, and as it is, a lot of people have no respect for them. Well would anyone, if they couldn’t deal with this without involving the army! It’s actually quite a scary thought though!!

The whole situation has spread so quickly, how bad will it be in a weeks time if it can’t be stopped?? People I have spoken to in the past have spoke of civil wars, due to everything that’s happening with our country, is this just the start??

These people are now giving Britain an even worse name, than we already had. Maybe National Service should be brought back. Either way, something has to be done, otherwise, if they know they can get away with it…….how far will they really go???

{July 26, 2011}   21!!………again!!

Well, it’s my birthday tomorrow!! Woo Hoo!!! And I have been telling people I’m going to be 21 hehe. Unfortunately know one has believed me. Although when I’ve told them how old I really am gonna be (*cough 27 cough*) alot of people have said I don’t look that old, which is a definate bonus!!

I look forward to my birthday every year, but it seems the older I get, the less fun it is. Not in a bad way or that it’s anyone’s fault. I guess it’s just part of getting old??

So what are my plans?? Well Ritch has got the day off, not that that really means anything haha so just a chilled day I guess, and then going for a meal with my family in the evening, which i’m looking forward to.

Also, hopefully, my mum has made my birthday cake! and those cakes are the best!! My 18th was the pinkest, sparkliest cake you can imagine…..topped with sparklers!! So hopefully, she’s done me one this year (she best of or i wont be happy lol).

She has also been given my birthday list, yes even at this age I still give her a list hehe. Just means that it’ll still be a surprise but it’ll def something I want…..does that sound really selfish (sounds it in my head lol).

In all, I’m really looking forward to it……ad hopefully know one will make me cry tomorrow, after all it is my birthday and everyone has to be nice to me!!! 😉



The great British summer is upon us. The wind, the rain, the thunder, the lightning….oh and the odd spot of sunshine!!

I know when I thought about this idea for my blog, it sounded so ‘typically British’ in my head, but to be honest, that’s what we do best….. MOAN! lol

The last holiday I went on was to Palma, Spain. That was in 2000!!! I went with my mum, my step-dad and my sister. It was a really good holiday. The place was lovely (def recommend it to anyone). The thing is though, I was 16, didn’t really have a care in the world, so probably didn’t appreciate it as much as I should have.

Now with all the chaos around me…..I NEED A HOLIDAY!!!!!

Somewhere I can forget about everything for a while, somewhere know one knows me, where I can relax, where I can do nothing, but not feeling guilty about it!! That’s what holidays are all about aren’t they???

The place I have chosen I want to go to is…….HAWAII!!! Oh my it looks wonderful!! It looks like a whole other world, and that’s my idea of a holiday!

Alas, it’s all a far away dream at the moment (can you hear the violins in the background). So until it happens, I’m gonna don my wellies, sunny G’s, rain mack, sunlotion and try to make the most of our wonderful British Summer!


{July 24, 2011}   Race For Life 2011

Well today was the day……. Portsmouth’ Race For Life 2011. A woman only walk to raise money for Cancer Research UK, a charity very close to my heart!

It’s the 4th year I’ve done it but it means so much to me today as it did in2008!! The last 2 years even more though, since I lost my beloved Grandad to cancer 😥

The weather was perfect for it, nice and sunny but with a lovely cool breeze and it took place along the seafront, the perfect venue in my eyes. There were thousands upon thousands of woman there, so dressed up in fancy dress, so there to walk, some there to run. Woman and girls of all ages. It was great to see everyone getting together for such a brilliant event!

The whole way round was quite hard for me, and the pain kicked in very early on, but there was noway i was going to give in. If I had a slight waver, i’d just picture grandad in my head, or look down at his name on my arm and it gave me that incentive to push harder! In the end, it took me and my mum 45mins to do 5km, which I was very happy with!!!

A massive well done to everyone who took part, and a massive thank you to anyone who sponsored someone. And lastly, a massive thought to those who we have lost through cancer, to those who continue to fight it, and for those who have thankfully beaten it!! Those people will forever be in my prayers!!

Don’t you  love the way, people have there own ideas about you, and how you live your life? How everyone knows what’s best for you, and in the same breath will always bring your misgivings forward to the world.

But how about when these people really don’t have a clue. They claim to know you and have your best interest at heart, but you know deep down that that’s a load of crap. They don’t know you at all. They don’t know whats best for you, they only know how they want you to be, that works out best for them. When deep down, you know, that they wouldn’t make it a yard in your shoes, let alone a mile!

Everyone has preconceptions, but when it comes to those close to you, surely those judgements should stop, once you really get to know a person?

I have never been good with people telling me what I can and can’t do,but when someone starts demanding what I should and shouldn’t be doing, that’s when I start to get angry! Who the hell has the right to tell you what to do?? We are our own individual people. Yes, people can easily advise but should never try to control and manipulate into getting you to do what they want. Those people are weak. So weak that they feel the need to control others just to form a sense of control. So how is it we can get sucked in by them so easily???

I’ve always felt myself as quite a strong person, so why is it recently I have begun questioning everything I do due to one person, and how they make me feel. I actually feel like I’m doing something wrong with being ill!! Jesus, if I could honestly be well, trust me, I would. But unfortunatley that’s not meant to be at the moment. I feel like a really bad person though! When I’m on my own I’m fine, but when i’m with this other person, it’s like all my rational thoughts decide to leave my brain. Deep down I know what they are saying is absolutely ridiculous, but still it plays on your mind for a long long time, and then you really do begin doubting yourself?!?!

Surely this isn’t healthy though??? On either sides!!

Control can lead to such anger, unhappiness and even danger. So why do we put up with it when we know it’s so wrong? Every person would proberly have a different answer from the next. Mine, I suppose, is because there is so much other chaos, maybe one day it will start controlling the bad things in my life and making more sense of those things. We need to remember though, not everything can be controlled. Some things shouldn’t be messed with, and human emotions are definately one of them!!

The Beatles once sang, ‘All you need is Love’. I think it should of been, ‘All you need is EMPATHY’!!!

{June 26, 2011}   Finally got a date!

Woo hoo, I got my letter from the hospital yesterday with a date for my surgery. It’s booked for Tue 4th Oct. So now, I’ll be worrying all the way till then haha.  Atleast it’s not too long though. The time will fly by and then, fingers crossed, I may be sorted!

It also means that my mum will be back off holiday as well so will be able to be there with me. Really hated the thought that she may be away, then I would of had to go on my own. Def didn’t like that idea!!

But for the time being I’m gonna try and put it to the back of my mind. have increased my painkillers, so I can actually get about and do things cause it’s really getting to me being stuck indoors 24/7 with nothing to do and no one to see. Atleast this way I can do a little bit more. I’ll worry about coming off them after the op!

What I’m looking forward to the most, is actually getting my life back on track!! Going to work, earning money, SAVING money lol and generally doing all the things I used to! Fingers and toes crossed it works!!!

I think of mself as quite a nice person. I treat everyone how I expect to be treated, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, I respect people and I trust people! Now, though, it would seem I’m not actually a nice person…….I’m naive! 

‘Naive – having or expressing innocence and credulity’

It seems that a lover can easily say I  love you, and just as easily, fall out of love with you!  A friend can say I love you, and just as easily, stab you in the back! A Parent can say I love you, and just as easily, put everything before you!

So why do we fall for the same line everytime? Whether it be from a friend, family member or a lover??? So much comes with I LOVE YOU, so many promises, that inevitably, the promises will be broken and someone will be let down. This may not be done intentionally BUT it will happen.

Now some people may think I’m being really cynical, but if you really think hard, those you love and trust will have let you down at some point?? Have a think……

It’s so much harder though, when you really do trust that person. It’s as if they have no thought for your feelings and all they do is worry about themselves. Which is why I am a strong believer in looking after number 1, cause honestly, no one else will. Even relying on yourself is risky sometimes. You know you shouldn’t believe / trust yet you do, just to be let down again!

So the only thing we can do is be aware. Aware that people will hurt us, regardless of what they say. Aware that you can’t trust people……….not even yourself!!

{June 15, 2011}   A Sign of Things to come????

Everyone knows how much having children means to me, but if the last few days are anything to go by, I think I can honestly say I would be a rubbish mum!!! lol

My mum has been a foster carer for the last 7 months and I am listed as one of her support people to help her out. She has 3 children at the moment and I take one of them to school and pick them up everyday.

The week started well when I over slept and, as a result, didn’t end up taking him. Leaving my mum to juggle the 3 of them, taking them to different schools. I then thought I’d make sure I was there for as soon as he finished so arrived at the school, ready for 3:15…….only to be told there was an after school activity till 4:15!!! Twat doesn’t even come close to what I was calling myself!!

So the next 2 days have been ok, but I can honestly say, the early mornings are actually killing me!!! Anyone who knows me, know I’m not a morning person, so having to get up at 7am every morning is my worst nightmare!!!!!! I get back from the school run and need to have a nap!! How bad is that?!?!?!?

Is this is a sign of what kind of mum I’d be??? Am I gonna be that awful??? I’m sure every mum to be worries about if they will do a good job but I’m only helping out, and I can’t even get that right!!!

Through all this though, I can say how proud I am of my mum and step dad for doing what they do. It’s definatley not an easy job but so so rewarding at the same time. There’s so many children out there that need a loving, safe and stable home but don’t have it. So for anyone to take someone elses child in and looks after them or even bring them up in a long term arrangement are great people and it’s a shame there’s not more people willing to do it.

 My mum is a great person anyway but this just shows me how much of a special person is and I’m proud to call her my mum!!!

et cetera